First, remember that as frustrated or disappointed as you might be, your guy is likely ready to crawl under a rock. "Usually, they are really embarrassed—sometimes humiliated or ashamed," Greer says. "More often than not, they also feel uncomfortable or inadequate. And they can sometimes feel guilty that they were not able to perform and live up to their own expectations, as well as their partner's."
Step one: Express comforting words.
"Simply say you understand and know it can happen to everybody," says
Greer. "Turn it into a 'no big deal' situation, and connect physically
in some other way." She suggests allowing your guy to please you in ways
other than sex, or relieving his stress with physical, but not
necessarily sexual, acts such as a shoulder massage. Just "don't make it an elephant in the room—something that's uncomfortable but not being talked about," Greer says.
Step two: Try again later. Once you've cleared the room of all those uncomfortable emotions—and taken a breather doing something else—you can try again. "Relaxing and doing something else will take the pressure off and disrupt the anxiety of it," Greer says. "Change gears with food, conversation, etc., and try again later that day or night."
Step three: Know when to fold. If
it doesn't happen by now, it's time to move on entirely. "At that
point, say you can just let it be and move on," Greer says. "Tell him
you're looking forward to trying again the next time you're together."
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